Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Dick Cheney Undecided on Heart Transplant. Dick Cheney has a heart?

Cheney's heart receives its daily feeding of baby bunny blood.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney said on Sunday that he hasn't yet decided whether to seek a heart transplant. Cheney, widely expected to become the first real-life Darth Vader, told Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace that his health is improving thanks to a battery operated device that helps his heart pump blood.

Cheney's statements are surprising: A highly-placed source, speaking on the condition of anonymity (Scooter Libby), told totallyunspooled in 2006 that Cheney's shriveled, blackened heart was being kept in a beaker in a top-secret government lab at Fort Detrick where it receives daily feedings of fresh baby bunny blood.

We were sure our anonymous source was credible, but then we found out he nearly went to prison for perjury, so we decided to contact some of our other, unindicted highly-placed anonymous sources. It turns out that an undisclosed Halliburton subsidiary (the CIA) has arranged for Cheney to receive a heart from a Romanian orphan, and Cheney is waiting for his physician to clear him for travel so he can fly to Romania to personally rip the orphan's heart from his chest.